3 years…. and counting. Time rushes past us… but, that same time if so full of meaning and memories. Usually the memories long to be more than just memories, and if only they could yet again become the reality that they long to be.
I am the type of person who would rather move forward than sit in grief. This is what I did, and I refused to allow myself to grieve. My dad was my hero, and losing that meant too much to think about. In the last 10 months that we have been travelling, the time we have spent in Haiti and Cambodia has forced me to slow down and embrace the quiet moments, and my real feelings - the pain of the loss, as well as the memories I will always cherish.
In the last 3 years, there have been different instances where the loss of my dad has hit me. . . hard. The first time this happened was shortly following dad's passing, when I encountered an elderly man, who shared the same pale blue eyes that dad had. In that moment I was overcome with shocking grief. In the following weeks, I saw this man daily, and each time I felt as though I had been given a piece of my dad.
Most recently, I watched a man pursue life in the purest form before he died of cancer. Free. Happy. Although this was a movie, he reminded me of the child-like tenderness and freedom that my dad displayed in his last days. Enjoying each moment he had with his family, in the greatest way that he could. Singing, dancing, joking. His eyes were always kind, loving, and at peace.
Losing someone close to you changes the way you see life. I know this sounds cliche, but for me it is true. Life is all about loving others in the purist way possible. Looking at those who need love and giving it to them. I have encountered many of these people most recently, and it makes me long to continue loving them, as well as try to help change their situation.
But, then there is the pull to share more time with my family and friends who I hold so close to my heart. After all, time just becomes memories, and these are the people I long to be with most. So where is the in between?
And why is it that we wait until we are dying to live life? Isn't this the time we already possess to live? Each moment is here to embrace and enjoy. Losing my dad, as well as the past 10 months has showed me this. I want to embrace each day with Freedom, Happiness, Singing, Dancing, and Joking. For our time here is just too short to do anything otherwise.
But, then there is the pull to share more time with my family and friends who I hold so close to my heart. After all, time just becomes memories, and these are the people I long to be with most. So where is the in between?
And why is it that we wait until we are dying to live life? Isn't this the time we already possess to live? Each moment is here to embrace and enjoy. Losing my dad, as well as the past 10 months has showed me this. I want to embrace each day with Freedom, Happiness, Singing, Dancing, and Joking. For our time here is just too short to do anything otherwise.
